Utsukushii Higeki
by teaworshipper
Summary: He didn’t want to say that he was—in love—with Lelouch, because, well…okay, so he was in love with Lelouch. It was complicated—what part of his life wasn’t? He was in love with him, worried sick about him, and frustrated with him. And he hated it.
1. Prelude: Yakusoku

**If you don't like Suzalulu, turn back now. This IS rated M for a reason. This prelude may seem innocent enough, but trust me, in later chapters this innocent prelude will give birth to some major yaoi. Also, it will probably suck more than a teenage whore. This is your first warning. If your eyes start bleeding, you go blind, or you end up mentally retarded, please don't blame it on me, for I have warned you; I probably don't have the money to pay for your medical bills anyways. **

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Code Geass. I wish I did, but sadly enough, I don't.**

"_Hurry up Lelouch! You're such a slowpoke!"_

When Lelouch first met Suzaku, he hated him. He was a stubborn Japanese kid with no manners. Not to mention he wasn't that smart either, and used brute strength to prove his point; the exact opposite of Lelouch, who used his mind in almost every situation. Any way you looked at it, Suzaku wasn't the type of person Lelouch could _ever _get along with.

"_Shut up, you idiot!"_

When Suzaku first heard that Britannian royalty were coming to stay with them, he was immediately angered. For weeks he sat around and fumed over the stuck-up Britannians that were soon going to be _living_ with him. He hadn't even met them yet, and he could hardly stand them already. When he finally did meet them, it angered him even more that they weren't nearly as bad as he had imagined them to be.

_Suzaku easily climbed the small cliff in front of him and reached the top before Lelouch had even started to climb. Looking down, he frowned._

For weeks they had glared at each other, refusing to get along in any way. Lelouch would sit by himself and read, occasionally going outside because Nunnally asked him if they could go for a walk, and Suzaku would go about his usual business. Whenever they happened to cross paths, they would glower at each other.

"_Suzaku, wait up!"_

That is, until one day when everything changed. Nunnally had decided to go out by herself instead of staying cooped up inside; Lelouch wasn't worried, as Nunnally had memorized the layout of the area when he took her walking the many times before. He stayed inside, rereading his favorite book. He didn't start to worry until the pitter-patter of rain on the roof interrupted him, and he realized that Nunnally was still not back yet.

"_Geez, you really are slow," Suzaku said as Lelouch struggled to climb up the cliff, resulting in a fierce look from the climbing boy._

Suzaku was distracted from his daily chores when the door slammed open loudly, almost causing him to jump. When he looked over to the doorway, the dark-haired Britannian stood there, panting.

"N-Nunnally is still outside!" It was only now that Suzaku realized that it had started raining; indeed, there was supposed to be a storm today. Suzaku would never do anything for this stuck up kid, but he had grown quite fond of Nunnally and became quite worried himself. He ran out of the room, leaving the Britannian boy to lag after him.

_Suzaku extended his hand to the other boy as he finally reached the top._

He looked around, wondering where the wheelchair-ridden girl could possibly have gone.

"That way," Lelouch panted, pointing towards the woods.

"Huh?" Suzaku gave him a confused look, "How do you know?"

"The wheelchair tracks…." Lelouch said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and pointed at the ground, where there were undeniably wheelchair tracks leading to the woods. Suzaku scowled at him for making him feel so stupid, and ran off towards the woods, leaving Lelouch to continue gasping for air as he tried to keep up.

_Lelouch reached his arm up, stretching to reach the extended hand._

The tracks eventually led Suzaku to the frail girl, the wheelchair apparently stuck in the mud.

"Nunnally!" he shouted as he ran down to where she was.

"Suzaku-san?" the girl asked, "Where's Onii-sama?"

"Uhhh….," looking over his shoulder, he replied, "He's on his way here….probably close by now."

"Okay," the girl smiled at him, and even though her eyes were closed he felt double the warmth he would than from anyone he had ever met before.

_Their hands finally met, and Suzaku pulled Lelouch over the top of the cliff._

Suzaku tried pushing the wheelchair out of the mud, but it was completely stuck.

"Hmm…I could probably carry you home," he suggested.

"Okay," Nunnally smiled again, "Just be gentle, please."

"Don't worry Nunnally," Suzaku found himself smiling for the first time in a while.

He faced his back to her and bent down so she could wrap her arms around his neck. Once she was securely holding on, he wrapped his arms around and prepared to pick up her legs and asked, "Ready?"

She nodded in return, and he picked up her legs.

_Suzaku stood and waited impatiently while Lelouch panted heavily after the long run._

On the way home, they met a very unhappy and tired Lelouch.

"Nunnally!" he shouted while coming to a halt, slightly uneasy at the sight of Suzaku carrying Nunnally on his back. However, when Nunnally smiled and waved at him he relaxed, if just a little bit.

"Come on, let's go back. We're getting soaked out here," Suzaku suggested. The rain was still pouring down, and lighting started flashing across the sky. Lelouch nodded in agreement and waited until Suzaku was past him to start walking again. All the way back to the house Suzaku and Nunnally chatted away, much to Lelouch's displeasure. He spent the trip listening to them talk and watching Nunnally's smile. Since they had been sent to Japan he hadn't been able to make her smile at all and here this rude, selfish Japanese kid that he hated could make her laugh and talk like nothing was wrong at all. This only made him hate Suzaku more, and his patience was growing short.

_The two stood there for a few moments, Lelouch catching his breath and Suzaku impatiently waiting._

After they had returned to warm shelter and changed into dry clothes, Lelouch stormed into Suzaku's room and slammed the door.

"Hey—!" Suzaku yelled, spinning around.

"Don't you dare touch Nunnally again, or I'll—"

"You'll what? Throw your stupid book at me?" And that was just what Lelouch did. It hit Suzaku square in the face, hard. "Aghh!"

Before Lelouch knew it, he was pushed to the ground, an aggravated Suzaku atop him.

"What was that for? I was only trying to help! After all, I doubt after all that running _you_ would have been able to carry her all the way back!"

"I could have!"

"You could not! You were hardly able to carry your own weight!"

"It's not my fault that you're an absolute brute!"

"Well you're just a weakling!"

"Stupid!"

"Snob!"

"Idiot!"

At that point, Suzaku ran out of mean things to say, overcome with irritation and anger. Instead of voicing a retort, he punched the Britannian boy across the face.

"Agh! What was that?" Lelouch stared angrily at the boy on top of him.

"That was a _punch_, something you wouldn't know about," Suzaku retorted.

"I know what a punch is!" Lelouch yelled as he struggled to break free of Suzaku's grip, with no avail. Suzaku watched him struggle pathetically, Lelouch's face turning quite red from anger and exhaustion. At this particular point in time Suzaku made the mistake of lowering his head right at the moment Lelouch lifted his, causing their foreheads to bump and their lips to meet in an awkward, sloppy kiss.

_Suddenly a noise came into earshot, a sound both familiar and unfamiliar to both._

Shocked, neither of them moved. Suzaku's eyes widened and Lelouch took on a slight blush. For a time that seemed longer than it was, the two stayed frozen, neither knowing what to do in this uncomfortable situation. Suddenly Suzaku jerked backwards, sending himself off of Lelouch.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he yelled for lack of anything else to say to the innocent Lelouch.

"What am I doing? _You_ were the one on top of _me_!" Lelouch countered, sitting up.

For a while the two just stared at each other, a deep red blush covering both of their faces. After a long pause Suzaku was the first to laugh. Lelouch just looked at him, utterly confused, which only made Suzaku laugh more.

"The-aha-ha-look on you-your face is just-" Suzaku gasped for air, "just too-" Completely giving up on finishing his sentence, he succumbed to the pull of laughter. Lelouch failed to see what was so funny; they had just accidentally _kissed_. But then, for some odd reason, after hearing that word in his mind, his scowl started to turn into a smile and before he knew it he was also on the floor laughing. Both of them just lay on the floor laughing, clutching at their stomachs, neither of them really knowing why what happened was so amazingly _hilarious._

_They both looked up to see what the sound was._

They stayed like that for a while, just laying on the floor and laughing their stomachs out. Neither of them could figure out exactly why it was so funny, but they just continued laughing. After a while, their laughter finally died down with a few aftershocks. And then they just lay there, catching their breath. Finally Suzaku stood up and offered his hand to Lelouch, who was still on the floor. For a moment Lelouch just looked at it.

"It's not going to bite," Suzaku said to him.

"I know that!" Lelouch said harshly, and then took the outstretched hand and smiled. Suzaku smiled back at him and pulled him up off the floor. After straightening out his clothes, he turned back to the chocolate-haired boy.

"You're really not as bad as I thought you would be, you know?" Suzaku told him.

"Of course I'm not," Lelouch replied, ensuing in a look from the other boy until he continued, "and…you're not as bad as I thought you would be either."

_At first neither of them saw anything._

"Hey….do you think we could be…..friends?" Suzaku finally asked.

"Friends?" Lelouch asked.

"Well…..you see…..I've never really had a real friend before, so…."

"Oh, um….."  
"I was just wondering! You don't really need to—"

"Sure."

"What?"

"I guess that wouldn't be so bad. To be honest……I'm actually kind of tired of fighting. And, besides…..I've never really….."

"What?"

"Well……" Lelouch looked a little timid, "never mind."

"Tell me!"

"I've…never really had a real friend either…" At this, Suzaku looked slightly surprised. He thought a prince would have had many people around him….at least, he imagined a prince would. Then again, it probably would be difficult to make friends when you're always locked up in a fancy castle. "So….what do friends do?" Lelouch asked.

"Well…they have fun together!" Honestly, Suzaku had no idea.

"Secrets?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I've read a lot of books, and friends always exchange secrets….."

"I don't really have any secrets….."

"Me neither….."

"What kinds of things do you like to do then?"

"Hmmm….I like to read and….play chess."

"That's boring."

"No it's not. It's not like you'd know anyways. You've probably never done either of those things."

"I have! I mean….of course I've read….but…..yeah, I've never really played chess…"

"So what about you? What do you like to do?"

"Me? I like sports, and…..hmm….board games and….building secret hideouts."

"Secret hideouts?"

"Yeah. They're really fun to hide in when you don't want to be found. Although….when you're by yourself it's kind of lonely….but now that I have a friend it should be more fun!"

"Secret….hideouts, huh? I've never really made a secret hideout before. Back in Britannia, the castle was so large that I could just hide anywhere in there….."

"Really? How many rooms were there?"

"Uh….I'm not really sure. Too many….probably over five hundred…"

"How many people lived there?!?"

"Hardly anyone, really. Nunnally and I lived there, and also our mother…..servants, a few other royals when they decided to visit…..some other important people…."

"Then why were there so many rooms?"

"I….really have no idea."

"Hey, why don't we build a hideout tomorrow! Since there's two of us, it should be more fun!"

"Oh…..uh….sure, I guess."

The two talked a lot more, and realized that even though they didn't have that much in common they still got along well.

"Hey, Lelouch…." Suzaku said, looking at the ceiling. When he didn't hear a response, he tried again, "Lelouch? Hey, Lelouch….?" He looked at said person only to realize Lelouch had fallen fast asleep. Suzaku couldn't blame him either, as he was pretty tired himself. Yawning, he turned over onto his side and slipped into the darkness of sleep.

_Soon enough they realized what was happening as clouds of jets filled the sky._

The next morning Lelouch awoke to the sight of Suzaku's face, which happened to be far too close to his face.

"Agh! Wh-what are you doing?" Lelouch said while trying to push Suzaku off, gaining him a laugh from the other boy. "What?"

"You're funny," Suzaku grinned, getting up.

"How am I funny?" Lelouch looked confused.

"You just are."

"That doesn't make any sense…."

"It doesn't have to."

"Whatever…."

"Alright then, let's go!"

"Where?"

"To make the hideout, of course."

"Oh….uh, ok. Let me tell Nunnally I'll be going out."

"Ok….hey, why doesn't she come too? The more the merrier, y'know?"

"Nunnally? Well.....I don't know…."

"It'll be fine!"

"I guess…."

After going to Nunnally and Lelouch's room and fetching Nunnally, they headed off towards the woods again. Lelouch pushed her wheelchair while Suzaku ran ahead, trying to find a good spot. Nunnally was just telling her older brother about when Cornelia had almost killed someone for just touching Euphie when they heard Suzaku yell. When Lelouch looked up, Suzaku was nowhere to be found. He ran forward, parking Nunnally close by.

"Careful!" He heard Suzaku yell. Lelouch looked down and in front of him was a huge hole, which Suzaku seemed to have fallen into.

"Are you okay?" Lelouch asked, peering down into the hole.

"Yeah, it's just….could you help me up?" Suzaku asked, reaching his hand up so Lelouch could grab it.

"Yeah, sure," Lelouch reached down and grasped Suzaku's outstretched hand, only to feel Suzaku tug and before Lelouch knew what had happened he was falling. He hit the ground with a yell and felt pain in his elbow and knees. He looked up to find Suzaku looking down at him, face giving away his restrained laughter. "What was that for!?"

"Well, I couldn't think of any other way to get you down here. After all, you don't seem to like dirt all that much," Suzaku explained.

"You didn't have to pull me! Now I'm _covered _in dirt. And I'm probably going to have bruises too!"

"Oh, boo-hoo. Anyways, what do you think?"

"Of what?"

"Here."

"What about it?" Suzaku sighed.

"For being so smart, you really can be stupid."

"What?"

"The hideout." Lelouch looked around at the hole. It seemed big enough, but_ still_…

"It's a hole."

"Yeah, that's the point! It's perfect."

"…"

"What?"

"A perfect hole? It's dirty. And for all we know, something might _live_ in here."

"It doesn't look like anything lives here." Lelouch sighed.

"Whatever."

"Are you two okay?" Suddenly Nunnally's voice carried down into the hole.

"Yeah, we're fine! Hmm…how can we get you down here?" Suzaku thought about this.

"Don't you dare do the same thing you did to me," Lelouch glared, "I'll get you back for that…."

"Is that a promise?" Suzaku laughed, "I'm not _that_ stupid anyways. Hmm….let's make a better way to get down here so we don't have to fall every time."

"_B-Britannia is—"_

After they found a better way to get down into the hole, Suzaku helped Nunnally down. The three spent a reasonable amount of time down there, until it became dark. After Suzaku told a ghost story Lelouch decided it was time to return home.

"Scared?" Suzaku teased.

"No, it's not that!"

"Oh, really?"

"It's getting dark out! You don't know what could be out here…."

"Do you know what the scariest thing out at this time of night could be?"

"What?"

"Me!" Suzaku jumped, attacking Lelouch.

"Aghhhh!" Suzaku pushed Lelouch to the ground, laughing. "It's not funny!"

"Yes it is," Suzaku said through his laughs. When Nunnally started laughing also, Lelouch just frowned and crossed his arms. After he finished laughing, Suzaku stood up and offered his hand to Lelouch. Taking Suzaku's hand, Lelouch pulled as hard as he could, sending the unsuspecting Suzaku to the ground again. "Wahh! Hey!"

"Fell for your own trick," Lelouch said, smiling as he stood up, "come on, let's go, for real."

"Fine…" Suzaku complied.

The three headed back home, eagerly awaiting the next day so they have more fun, each glad to have new friends to be with.

"_Impossible…no, not now. Why?!"_

When Lelouch had first met Suzaku, he had hated him. He was a stubborn Japanese kid with no manners. He wasn't that smart either, and used brute strength to prove his point; he was the exact opposite of Lelouch, who used his mind in almost every situation. Any way you looked at it, Suzaku wasn't the type of person Lelouch could _ever _get along with.

_Wasn't._

When Suzaku had first heard that Britannian royalty were coming to stay with them, he was immediately angered. For weeks he sat around and fumed over the stuck-up Britannians that were soon going to be _living_ with him. He hadn't even met them, and he could hardly stand them already. When he finally did meet them, it angered him even more that they weren't nearly as bad as he had imagined them to be.

"_Suzaku, I swear one day I will…destroy Britannia!"_


	2. Chapter 1: Kako Kara no Tomodachi

***~chapter one~***

**Shinjuku**

**Same warnings as last time. No yaoi yet, I'll get to that later *waves hand lazily***

_**~part one~ **_

_**Kako Kara no Tomodachi**_

As Lelouch won yet another chess match, he wondered why he even bothered gambling anymore when the result was so predictable. It was probably unlikely that he would find a decent opponent who could actually challenge him in this part of the world. The only person he had ever truly lost against was Schneizel, after all. Lelouch shook his head at this thought, as he didn't like to think about the past. At least he was getting the money for this. He didn't like doing unnecessary or easy things but at least there was some benefit to this, unlike attending school. He had no need to pay attention in class and most often found no reason to even attend, as he already knew most of the things they were teaching and the things he didn't know weren't necessary to know.

Walking out of the building, Lelouch ignored Rivalz's useless chatter and directed his attention towards the large screen announcing a speech from the Third Prince of Britannia and governor of Area 11, Clovis la Britannia, about the recent terrorist attacks. Soon the familiar face of his older brother popped up on the screen, a pretty-boy as always. Lelouch used to play chess with him occasionally even though Clovis was certainly no match for the younger Lelouch, but after losing 37 consecutive times Lelouch had finally let him win for once.

'It certainly is difficult to ignore the past, especially when it keeps chasing you,' Lelouch thought to himself. It was also particularly difficult when your family was the royalty of an empire that rule one-third of the world's population. Lelouch half-mindedly listened to the speech as he received the ticket from the parking meter.

"_My heart is torn in two; while one half is saddened, the other half is enraged!"_

Lelouch sighed. This is why he hated Britannia; it was filled to the brim with lies and deceit. Even Clovis, who had once been the most innocent and honest child, had become a monster of Britannia. His speech was so obviously intertwined with lies, yet he was respected and honored because of his status. Britannia warped all who were around it with its lies, bending down to let nobility do as it pleased. Everything within Britannia was rotten, bleeding out lies like rain, if not more often.

'That said, I'm no exception either,' Lelouch thought to himself as the parking meter released Rivalz's bike. Yes, he was probably one of the worst out of Britannia. Everything about him was a lie; his past, his family, even his name. It was almost like a game, a fictional story; he lied every day and had no qualms. It was what he must do to survive. But he wondered how long he could keep the lies up. How long would it be until he was exposed? How long could he stay concealed from the watchful eyes of his homeland? It was true that the Ashford family could protect him, but that was only as long as he was a student. Beyond that, he had no idea what would happen, what could happen. He would have less security in his fake name and his past could always easily be discovered by anyone who was willing to dig further than the surface. However, he would keep up his lie until the end of time, not for his own sake, but for Nunnally's. If there was one thing he should be able to do at least, it would be to protect her.

Lelouch detached himself from his thoughts and turned towards Rivalz, ignoring Clovis' call for a moment of silence in honor of the dead.

"Not going to pause?" Rivalz asked.

"Of course not. Are you?" Lelouch answered, stuffing the parking ticket in his pocket.

"I'd be embarrassed." Rivalz said with a small laugh.

"True enough. Besides, our tears won't bring the dead back to life."

"Ooh, that's cold."

_That's right; No matter how hard we try, the world won't change._

}--}---

"No way. Such grandiose dreams only lead to one's self destruct—" Lelouch was cut off by the blaring honk of a truck behind them. Both turned to look and were met with the face of a giant green truck.

"Waahhh!" Rivalz swerved, panicky. Lelouch held on to the side of his seat as Rivalz tried to gain control of the bike again. Behind them, the truck honked again and then veered off the road, crashing into a construction site. Taking off his goggles, Rivalz asked, "Uhh…was that our fault?"

"Of course not," Lelouch answered him, thinking. Was that truck driver just crazy? He obviously didn't seem to know his way around, or just wasn't looking when he turned. Well, crazy or not, Lelouch felt obligated to at least see if the driver was alright. After all, it's not like anyone else was going to do anything. Instead of using their phones to call the police or an ambulance, they were taking pictures of the scene and chatting amongst themselves.

'Idiots, all of them,' Lelouch thought as he removed his helmet, and after throwing it into the sidecar of Rivalz's bike he ran off towards the truck. He heard the crowd remark about him and chose to tune that out, focusing on the truck. There were several large pieces of metal in the way, so he called out to see if anyone would answer. When nobody did, he started to wander back around the truck to look for a way in. He immediately spotted a ladder to his left and started climbing it. When he reached the top, he called out again. "Anybody in there?" He expected no reply; he probably couldn't even be heard from the front of the truck and just as he was about to leave, he felt a sudden shock.

_Finally, I've found you._

The words resounded in his mind, and he sensed something….someone. Although it was an uncommon feeling to him, he started to get a little freaked out. Just as he was about to climb back down, a sudden jolt sent him tumbling forward into the truck, and whatever else lay ahead. He was lucky enough not to land on his head, instead landing on his upper back and rolled forward into a sitting position. As he was thrown against the side of the truck, he wondered how he could have possibly gotten into this situation: a truck going who-knows-where with god-knows-who. 'So this is what I get for trying to help strangers…well, I—"

"Stop this instant!" A loudspeaker interrupted his thoughts, and soon after he heard a machine gun, causing whoever was driving to swerve across the road dangerously. He heard a few more noises and then hid as he heard a door open somewhere in the truck, followed by footsteps. He peered out the door and saw a girl, probably about his age, throw off a jacket and listened to her talk to someone, probably a comrade. As he watched her, he couldn't shake the feeling that she seemed somehow familiar. She had spiky red hair and when he got a glimpse of her face he saw striking cerulean eyes. He could swear he saw her somewhere before, but where….?

The back entrance of the truck opened to release a Knightmare frame, and Lelouch suddenly realized what he had just gotten into. This was deep, this was too deep. Now he only became more worried of what would become of him. As the back door closed he got another glimpse of the Knightmare; it was an old frame, red and faded, but it seemed to work well enough.

"Shit! They're _real_ terrorists, aren't they!" Deep, deep shit. God only knows where he was headed now…in the back of a strange truck, with an even stranger large object placed in it. He reasoned it was probably stolen; Britannia had to be after something, and it looked like something of importance…maybe a weapon. Giving up on getting out, he tried to use logic to ascertain where they were right now. The Knightmare seemed to have bought them time, as he could hear nothing of the army at the moment.

'By the feel of the ground the truck is probably traveling through the subways, which means we're headed towards the ghetto….' He thought more about this as he looked at the receiver he had picked off the discarded jacket. His cell phone wasn't working at the moment, and neither was this…..but he might be able to use it later, so he put it inside his jacket pocket. Just as he had finished doing so he felt the truck suddenly lurch, and then stop. He heard the tires turn a few times, uselessly. 'It's stopped. An obstacle?'

As he stood up the side of the truck opened, giving him a little more light to look at the strange object in front of him. It was large and made of metal; that much he could tell. It looked like it opened somehow, and he moved closer to inspect it. However, as he did he heard something behind him and quickly turned to look, only to be met with someone flying through the air at an alarming rate. All Lelouch could do was hopelessly put his arms in front of him as an attempt to block. It worked, if you consider that he didn't get his face kicked in. On the other hand, he ended up on the ground, which put him at an extreme disadvantage, especially considering his opponent was a Britannian soldier. And as expected, the soldier moved fast. Just as Lelouch had recovered his ability to move, he was pinned down by the throat.

"Don't kill any more," Lelouch was surprised to hear this from a soldier of all people. It only angered him more. It was just more contradictions, more hypocritical contradictions.

"I'm not…!!"

"Give up, this poison gas—"

"Like I said, I'm not…!" He moved to kick the soldier, but his move was easily dodged. He was granted the ability to move once again, though. "Don't kill any more? If you don't want any more dead, then destroy Britannia!"

"Lelouch?" A voice called out his name. He was quite shocked, as you can imagine, at being recognized by a soldier. Just as he was thinking of all the people that could have recognized him, the solder moved to take off his helmet. "Lelouch, it's me, Suzaku."

_Suzaku?_

Lelouch remembered his words seven years ago.

_Suzaku,_

His first friend.

_I swear one day I will_

His best friend.

_destroy Britannia!_

His last friend.

}--}---

_**~part two~**_

_**Gyakushū**_

You became a Britannian soldier?" No, this isn't what the Suzaku from back then would do…not what the Suzaku he knew would be.

"Yeah…and you…?" Suzaku was interrupted by a bright flash of light, and before Lelouch knew what was happening he was pushed to the floor, a gas mask pushed over his face. The two of them ended up on the floor, Suzaku holding his gas mask over Lelouch's face. 'He's….sacrificing himself?!"

Lelouch blinked as he stared at the capsule, watching it open, entranced. It was bright; was poison gas bright? He didn't think so…..but….what else could it be? What kind of weapon showed off a bright light when it opened? There were so many things running through his head….but for once he willed his mind to shut up and just watch. He didn't want to be so distracted by his thoughts; he wanted to observe.

"It's not….poison gas?" Suzaku was also staring, stunned. They watched the capsule open, and could soon see the figure of a girl. She had long, flowing green hair and amber eyes, like a cat. As they watched her being released from the capsule, neither really knew what to do. After she had apparently passed out both of them got up and looked at each other, then at her. She was bound, so they decided to unbind her….it seemed like the right thing to do, but they guessed there was really nothing else _to _do. As they unbound the strange girl, Suzaku started to explain that at the briefing they had been told there was poison gas inside. But then he was interrupted, and Lelouch wondered if there would ever be a moment of peace where two people could just talk or even just _think. _But anyways, they were interrupted by the sudden flash of lights. Turning around, they were met with another section of the army: Prince Clovis' Royal Guard.

"Not even a genuine Britannian is able to touch that, you damn Eleven!" The man in front addressed Suzaku, apparently enjoying his ability to express power very much.

"But, sir, I was told it was poison gas—!" Suzaku's argument was weak: very, very weak. By now Lelouch had realized that this girl was indeed poisonous. If word got out about this, many Britannian superiors would be destroyed…..

"….However, I recognize your valor and will give you a second chance," Lelouch caught the second half of the man's sentence as he was snapped out of his thoughts, "Take this gun and kill the terrorist, and I might think about forgiving your mistake."

"Huh? No, you've got it wrong, this isn't a terrorist. He's just a civilian caught up in all this—" Suzaku said, looking back at Lelouch.

"You dare disobey orders? I said to shoot the terrorist!"

"I'm sorry sir; I can't do that. I won't kill innocent people," Suzaku said, smiling at Lelouch, who was quite shocked. Suzaku had changed….this definitely wasn't Lelouch's friend from eight years ago….and being a soldier, disobeying orders—

"Well, in that case," the man said, putting the gun up to Suzaku's back, "die." A gunshot echoed through the empty subway.

"Suzaku!" His best friend…..had just been shot? He watched the scene unfold, shocked. He watched Suzaku fall to the ground. He watched the smirking face of the man, who said more, but Lelouch was too caught up in his own thoughts to hear anything anymore.

He only moved when he found a chance to escape; the truck suddenly blew up, sending smoke everywhere. Without thinking he grabbed the mysterious girl and ran, looking for a way out. He needed a way out of all this. He needed a way back home. The girl behind him tripped, and he took this chance to stop. He needed to clear out his mind, there were too many things going on, too much had happened and he had too little time to digest it. This girl…Suzaku was dead…

"What the hell are you?" he heard himself shout, "This is all your fault, isn't it? Right?"

He had lost it. The girl just looked at him with large amber eyes, watching him.

_Suzaku,_

}--}---

"Listen, you'll just have to stay here," Lelouch told the girl behind him as he looked around. He suddenly ducked back where he couldn't be seen when he spotted the Royal Guard again. 'Crap, it's them again,' he thought to himself. This was bad. No….as long as they stayed quiet they wouldn't be found, right? Lelouch kept as silent as he could, already knowing the girl behind him would do the same. After all, she hadn't spoken a word the entire time.

Lelouch jumped when a baby's cry was heard, breaking the silence and making his heart pound. Machine guns immediately silenced the noise, echoing afterwards. They were killing everybody, every Eleven in the ghetto, even women and children. No matter what they did, nobody could do anything about it…especially not himself...even though he had sworn to…

Lelouch's mind went blank at that moment as he heard a phone ring. _His _phone. His hand flew to his pocket and shut it off within an instant, but he knew it was already too late. The soldiers, who had just been preparing to leave and search elsewhere, turned back at the sound. Before he knew it he was forced to stand and slammed against the nearest wall.

"I must commend you, for a student you have done well, as expected of a Britannian," the man said, pointing his gun straight at Lelouch, "However, this is the end."

'End?' the word echoed in Lelouch's mind as the bullet left the gun, a bang resounding in the building. It was coming straight at him, and all he could do was close his eyes and cringe, waiting for it.

"Don't kill him!" the voice was unfamiliar, yet he had heard it before. He saw a swish of green hair and white. The girl had released herself from the other soldiers' grasp and taken a bullet for him? She fell to the ground, a bullet hole in her forehead. He kneeled down to look at her, and blood started to form a puddle on the ground.

'No…Britannia is taking everyone….everyone…even Suzaku and this girl…is this how I'm going to die? Helpless to the very end?' he thought to himself, shocked and….scared, one thought, one person on his mind.

'Nunnally!'

He felt a hand grab his wrist.

"_You don't want it to end, do you_?"

That voice…

"_If you only had power, you could change things_?"

That girl…

"_I can grant you power, if you agree to make my one wish come true…_"

Power…

"_However, the Power of Kings makes one lonely indeed…_"

Change…

"_If you are prepared for that, then…_"

An image of the Emperor of Britannia flashed in his mind, reminding him of his promise to Suzaku. His words… hate resonated in his soul…

"_Very well! I hereby accept the terms of this contract_!"

Everything was over.

He was back to reality.

But this feeling…

"Hey, how should I live, as a Britannian who hates Britannia?"

He heard himself saying the words.

"What are you, some kind of philosopher?"

He smirked.

"As Lelouch vi Britannia I command you, all of you…die!"

_I swear_

}--}---

'What is it you wanted me to do with this strange power?'

Lelouch pondered this to himself as he looked down at the girl.

'…_the Power of Kings makes one lonely indeed…'_

He kneeled on the floor, which was bloodstained and littered in bodies, both of many Elevens and of the Royal Guard…what had happened?

He remembered.

He killed them.

He had power now.

And he would have his vengeance.

"Shall I repay them for putting me in this situation?"

After obtaining a Knightmare, Lelouch watched the battle taking place between the terrorists and the Britannian army. The army obviously had the advantage, as the terrorists only had one Knightmare…and it only had one arm now. It would be difficult to get them to take him in…but it would be even more difficult to get out of here alive without their help. He remembered he had the communicator in his jacket pocket and took it out.

'Now then…'

He waited for a chance to intervene, and found it soon.

"If you want to win, listen to me."

He instructed the red Knightmare, and soon the soldiers had fallen into his trap. Not wanting to be seen too much, he disappeared as soon as he could, seeing a group of more of the terrorists approaching. He smiled to himself as he contacted what appeared to be the leader.

"I can do it! I can really do it! I can destroy Britannia!" He had all the pieces, and against Clovis…well, the winner was already decided. He laughed as Clovis fell for his tricks, one after another, and soon victory had played into his hands.

"There's a strange looking Knightmare coming our way…"

He sighed. These terrorists really weren't that smart, were they? You see an enemy, you shoot it. How hard is that?

Before he knew it his side was losing, all due to one Knightmare: a new model Knightmare. And now here it was, standing right in front of him. And there was nothing he could do. Even with his strange new power, he couldn't stop what was about to happen.

Suddenly the red Knightmare came out from somewhere behind him, distracting the new model, "This makes us even, okay?"

While the new model was preoccupied he took his chance to escape as the red Knightmare's pilot ejected. However, his escape didn't last long; the new model soon caught up to him. He was being shot at, and his stolen Knightmare was losing capability as the shots landed on their mark. He was getting desperate, and shot at a nearby building. The result was different from what he expected; after seeing a woman falling, the new model immediately turned around and leaped to grab her.

'He saved a bystander in the middle of a battle?'

Strange. He would have to watch this pilot.

As he escaped, he realized this was more than a game. This was not a chessboard, and the pieces he played had their own will.

'I'll have to learn from this. The difference is that these are real people.'

Now, all there was left to do was…

_One day I will_

}--}---

"…Perhaps play a game of chess?"

"That brings back memories"

Lelouch smirked as Clovis' face became confused.

"Remember? The Imperial Villa seven years ago…"

"Who are you?"

"It's been a while…Nii-san"

Clovis' eyes bugged and he gasped as Lelouch stepped out of the darkness shrouding his face.

"L-Lelouch! But they said you were—"

"Dead, was it? I've come back, my prince, to change everything."

And Lelouch felt nothing as he raised his gun to Clovis' forehead.

And he shot without a second thought.

_Destroy Britannia!_


	3. Chapter 2: Ashford Gakuen

***~chapter two~*: Ashford Gakuen**

**Guh. Sorry if this seemed to take a while to update. I hate doing short chapters, and my mom took away my computer for a little while. I'll be moving in a little while but I'll try to write as much as I can! This chapter seemed mostly boring to me…I was so bored, but that's the price I pay for sticking to the storyline right? Most of the stuff is messed up because I'm relying only on memory of the show without going back and actually watching it. That's why it's crap. A few extra lines of dialogue (this is Fanfic after all) and some additional thoughts.**

**Oh yeah, and 'Utsukushii Higeki' means 'beautiful disaster'. I couldn't really think of a name, so yeah.**

* * *

_**~part one~: Kurasu Meito, Kallen Stadtfeld**_

That day, Lelouch decided that he would actually go to class. After what had happened the day before, he didn't feel the energy to skip. Well, except for P.E., the one class he was notorious for never attending. It's not like he needed the credits anyways. He walked into homeroom to a very interesting sight. He paused in the doorway, halfway out of surprise and halfway to just observe for a moment. A small group of girls was gathered around one desk, at which sat a redheaded beauty. She had sculpted features and cerulean eyes, and he suddenly realized that's where he had recognized her from. She had to be the girl, the terrorist, from Shinjuku. Her hair was different and the school uniform made her look smaller, but he had no doubt in his mind.

He walked over to Rivalz, pretending not to observe the commotion and pulling his regular bored face. When he sat down Rivalz immediately started pestering him, much to his dismay, but Lelouch wanted to ask anyways:

"Who is that?"

"Hmmm? Interested?" Rivalz said with a nudge to Lelouch's side.

"It's not like that," Lelouch sighed.

"Kallen Stadtfeld: the scion of the Stadtfeld family. I hear she's sick or something, that's why she's not at school that often. She has lots of money, she's also known for being gorgeous, although she is kind of sheltered. Nice taste, man."

"I already told you, it's not that."

"Yes, yes, whatever you say," Rivalz said with a wink. Lelouch inwardly rolled his eyes.

Sick, huh? Nice excuse…if looked upon, it would eliminate her from any possibility of being a dangerous Knightmare-talented terrorist. Her family would also keep her from being highly suspicious…but she had a Britannian family? Why would she be a terrorist? Why does she go so far? To prove a point, and if so, what?

Lelouch knew he would have to find these answers later.

After sitting, or rather sleeping, through class Lelouch finally got his chance during lunch break. Because of a bee, Kallen ended up behind a bush by herself.

"This pisses me off!" she said, a definite hint of frustration in her voice as she slashed the bee into pieces in one swipe of her hand, "This is why I hate Britannians!" After declaring this, she took a fierce bite of her sandwich. That's when she finally noticed him standing there. A look of shock passed over her face as she realized he had seen. She mumbled something through her sandwich but he couldn't quite hear.

After taking her sandwich out of her mouth, she asked, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes, actually, I'd like you to answer a few questions," He ordered using the Geass. After he saw the faint red outline around her eyes, he posed his first question, "Were you in Shinjuku that day?"

"Yes."

"Why are you a terrorist?"

"Because I'm Japanese, although by blood I'm half Britannian," At this his eyes widened.

"A half-blood?" After answering a few more of his questions, he turned away and let the effect fade off.

"Umm…is there something you wanted to ask me?"

"No, I know all I need to," Then remembering something he turned to use the Geass again, "And just in case, don't say a word about Shinjuku."

"Shinjuku?" Her face was confused, "What about Shinjuku?"

His heart stopped when he realized she wasn't under the Geass. Had it stopped working? Was he only able to use it a few times? And when he saw her still looking at him, he realized just how far the mistake he had made put him. He was now Kallen's number one suspect for the mysterious voice. Great. Unknowingly he had started backing away, defensive, until he heard Shirley yell they were going to be late for Biology, giving him an excuse to run away. What would he do about Kallen now? As if he didn't have enough problems already, he'd had to go create another one for himself. He'd have to learn the limits of this power, his weapon…

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

'So it only works once per person, huh?' That would make sense. Since he already used it on Kallen it wouldn't work again. He'd have to be far more careful about using this power in the future…he wouldn't want to end up not being able to use it on someone he needed to. He'd have to use it as little as possible.

Now that that was figured out, he had to talk to Kallen. He couldn't have her thinking he was in Shinjuku that day…nobody could know that. Kallen might not tell anybody, but it would be better to be safe than sorry. Or maybe if she could be trusted she could be a greater asset to him…but at the moment he didn't know how. Although it was quite true that her Knightmare capabilities were above the norm and she seemed good at hand-to-hand combat, she didn't have many other skills. He would just have to talk to her…

The two stood alone in the student council clubhouse. Or at least, they _were_ alone until Shirley and Nina appeared. Then Milly. Then Rivalz. Apparently since Kallen had an unknown (nonexistent) illness, there weren't many clubs she could join so Milly decided the student council would be the best choice. They didn't get a chance to talk, but this gave Lelouch more time to think of something. To be honest he wasn't sure what they were going to talk about or what he would say. Was he going to confess that he had been in Shinjuku? Or deny it?

The members of the student council introduced themselves to Kallen, and the party began. Or at least, it tried to until Rivalz brought out a bottle of champagne, which Shirley didn't appreciate very much.

"Lelouch, pass!" Rivalz yelled while throwing the bottle at Lelouch, who caught it before he had time to think about it. Suddenly he had an annoyed Shirley coming at him, which was actually kind of scary he had to admit. All of this happened in such little time, and before he knew it he was on the ground. Then the cork popped out of the bottle, which Kallen swiped aside only to be met with a fountain of champagne. Well, so much for a party. But the good news was Lelouch finally had an idea.

Kallen had reacted well to his plan, and he knew she didn't suspect him at all anymore. After all, if he was standing right there how could he have been on the other end of the line? This only confirmed Lelouch's hypothesis that fighting was the only thing she would be good for; she hadn't even thought twice about the call and fell for it. Now they walked back towards the student council meeting room, Kallen wearing Lelouch's clothes. The rest of the student council was watching the news, which was announcing the arrest of Clovis' murderer.

'A scapegoat, huh?' Lelouch mused to himself. Of course they would never find out the real murderer. A man named Jeremiah Gottwald was credited with the arrest; the man was a strict purist. At first Lelouch didn't think much of the broadcast; this was of course the way they would deal with the murder of a prince. Lelouch was about to turn away when they switched the camera to show a shot of the supposed murderer.

'Suzaku!!' Lelouch's mind switched to panic and shock. He was…alive? Lelouch was glad about that, but now he was charged with Clovis' murder. The Purist Faction…it made sense; Suzaku was the son of the last Japanese Prime Minister, which not only made him an important Number but made him the perfect scapegoat for the crime. With this, all Numbers would be stripped from the army and would have even less rights than they did now. Lelouch's heart pounded, partly from anger, but the other part was for his friend. 'Suzaku….'

Now was the time to make his move.

_**~part two~: Shinyuu, Kururugi Suzaku**_

He was going to rescue Suzaku and gain the trust of the terrorists in one clean swipe. With the help of the Geass, he was sure to succeed. Of course he wasn't planning on controlling their minds to make them follow him. He might have to use it on them later…if they found out who he was for example. No, he wanted their own trust and not the Geass'. He wouldn't use it if he didn't have to.

After first introducing himself to them as Zero, he agreed to show them his power. Only Kallen and Ohgi showed up later that day…but that was more than enough for this plan. Actually, the less the better; it would only go to show them the extent of his power. They wouldn't be able to refuse his help after this. He donned his mask and headed towards the start of his new life, towards change, and towards his friend.

Standing in front of the crowd, he felt powerful. He was new. He was going to bring change to this corrupted empire, starting here. He snapped and the large contraption was revealed behind him with a gasp from the crowd. He saw Gottwald's face change; of course he knew what it was and what it supposedly contained. He had been told it contained poison gas, even though the capsule contained nothing dangerous at the moment. It was the perfect situation. In Gottwald's mind, all these people had just been taken hostage and the only thing he could do was hand over Suzaku Kururugi. But of course, Lelouch knew he wouldn't do that so easily. He had Kallen move Clovis' ruined car closer, to the point where he could effectively use his Geass.

"Let us go…and that man too!" He ordered Jeremiah, who immediately obeyed.

"Release that man! Nobody is to interfere!" Suzaku was released and Lelouch went down to greet him. Upon coming closer, Lelouch saw all the bruises he had. His green eyes were filled with wonder and curiosity.

"Who are—ah!" Suzaku yelped as the collar around his neck sent electricity through his body.

"I see; you aren't able to speak, are you?" Lelouch couldn't stand to see Suzaku like this. He wanted to protect him…he could surely do that now. If Suzaku would only join him, he could make sure nothing happened to him. He hadn't seen him for seven years, and that day in Shinjuku had seemed like a miracle. Such a coincidence in such a place…and now Lelouch had a power that he could use for both of them, and for everyone else.

"I have a court-martial to go to," Suzaku turned away from him, shaking his head.

"They're only giving you a trial to find you guilty!"

"I don't mind. Besides, now the evidence should be in question, right?"

"Idiot!" Suzaku was denying him…and choosing to stay in the military? After everything they had done to him?

"In the past I used to have a friend who called me an idiot," Lelouch's breath caught at this, and Suzaku started to walk away, "Thank you for the offer though."

Lelouch stood alone and watched him walk away, back to Britannia and his court-martial.

'I misjudged you, Suzaku.' And Lelouch couldn't help but think that this Suzaku was different…far too different.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

As Suzaku walked out of the building and away from his court-martial, he thought about Zero's offer. Yes, Britannia was corrupt. But joining a terrorist group that killed only for their goals wasn't much different. He wanted to stop the killing, and he would do that in the army. Even though he was an Eleven, he wouldn't give up on his own goals through his own methods.

"Look out below!" He suddenly heard the voice of a girl from above. Looking up, he saw someone falling from the sky and his first reaction was to drop his bag and hold out his arms. He caught her neatly, and as her hair fell away from her face he saw light violet eyes looking up at him. "Thank you for catching me!"

"Ah…it's nothing. You don't normally see girls falling from the sky. Is something wrong?"

"Uh…yes, actually! There are some very mean people chasing me, and I was wondering if you could help me!"

"Well… what's your name?"

"My name…uhh" the girl thought for a second, "I'm Euphie!"

"Euphie? I'm—"

"Suzaku Kururugi."

"Huh? How do you…."

"Oh, come on! You're famous around here, with the whole Zero incident and all!"

'Zero….' Suzaku thought to himself. Of course that was a popular subject now…going against Britannia was something most Elevens only dreamed of. But Zero's goals…what could they be?

Suzaku ended up spending the rest of the day with Euphie. He learned that she had just come here from Britannia and was a student, who also liked cats.

"There's one more place I'd like you to show me while I'm here," Euphie looked at him.

"Wherever you like, my princess."

"I'd like you to show me the Shinjuku ghetto."

"Eh? The…." The Shinjuku ghetto…Suzaku thought back to that time. Lelouch hadn't been on the list of the dead…which meant he was still out there somewhere, hopefully safe. He couldn't help but worry, and also wonder why he had been there in the first place. He couldn't have been a terrorist…he also wondered how he got out of the hands of the Royal Guard. He thought more as he led Euphie to the Shinjuku ghetto. With the recent incident most people had stayed clear of the ghetto except for some Japanese who had nowhere else to go, but she seemed determined to see it.

When they arrived, there were a few students taking pictures and joking around, throwing around insults. Soon a few Japanese people came up and threatened the students, telling them to get out. Suzaku stopped walking and Euphie also paused, not interfering. When Suzaku looked, her face showed a worried expression. The fight was escalating, and if nothing was done there would be violence. Suzaku moved to stop the fight. He couldn't stand this anymore; he just wanted to violence to stop. He just wanted people to understand each other. Nationality didn't matter anymore! Who cared who was better than whom? Couldn't everyone just stop fighting and understand each other?

"In the name of Euphemia li Britannia, I order you to stop this at once!"

A princess? Apparently Suzaku hadn't studied the Britannian lineage quite enough. The soldiers immediately obeyed, bringing their Knightmares to a halt and bowing. Suzaku was immediately out of the Lancelot and kneeling on the ground.

"I'm sorry, princess. I…didn't know."

Euphie turned and looked at him, a sad look upon her face.

"Will you help me, Suzaku? To end the fighting and bring peace to this world?"

"Yes, your highness!"

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Suzaku walked in his new school uniform, finding his way around the unfamiliar school. It was quite a prestigious school, it was large and fancy. Suzaku thought this only made it more difficult to find his way around. He had been given a tour of the school, but he still managed to get lost. He looked down the hallway, trying to figure out if it was the right one. He didn't want to be late to his homeroom on the first day.

When he finally found the right room, the teacher was waiting for him outside of the room. To be honest, Suzaku was quite nervous. He'd never been to such a large school before, not to mention it was a Britannian school. He was an honorary Britannian, but for the most part he was still regarded as an Eleven. It would be tough to fit into a school like this, and he wondered if he would even be able to make friends. He knew that what Euphie had said was right; he should be in school, and he did want to be. He would just have to bear with it.

The door opened and the teacher beckoned for him to come in. Suzaku took a deep breath and walked inside the classroom. It was filled with students his own age, all talking and laughing amongst themselves.

"Students, we have a new classmate today. This is Suzaku Kururugi, an honorary Britannian." Suzaku felt even more nervous when everyone looked at him. Scanning the room, his heart leaped an extra mile when he saw familiar violet eyes.

'Lelouch!!' So he had escaped Shinjuku just fine. Perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult in this school after all…

"Thank you for having me here," Suzaku gave a traditional Japanese bow and the class went back to their conversation, this time whispering more than talking.

"Hmm…let's see…ah! There's an empty seat next to Mr. Lamperouge, I hope you'll be fine sitting there." The teacher pointed over at Lelouch.

"_Wasn't he accused of Clovis' murder?"_

"_I heard he was found innocent."  
"He got arrested, so he must have done something wrong."_

"_I don't care if he's an honorary whatever, he's still an Eleven."_

Suzaku was dismayed to find that most of the conversation was about him, mostly condescending. He noticed Lelouch get up out of the corner of his eye and watched him walk to the door, where Lelouch paused and pulled at the collar of his uniform.

Suzaku gasped as he immediately recognized the symbol from their childhood.

'Let's talk on the roof.'

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Suzaku escaped to the roof, glad to be away from the harsh whispers of his new classmates. There he found Lelouch waiting, leaning against the railing. When the door closed behind him, Lelouch turned towards him.

"Hey, Suzaku, it's been a while hasn't it?" Lelouch smiled at him, and Suzaku studied him for a moment. He'd grown a lot, they both had. That is what happened in seven years after all. His deep violet eyes looked more vibrant than ever, his ivory skin a deep contrast to his raven-black hair. For a moment, Suzaku just couldn't help but be jealous of such beauty.

"Yeah, I really didn't expect you to be here," Suzaku was happy that he was here. He was happy to be able to be with his best friend again. After they had parted that day seven years ago, he never thought he'd see Lelouch again even though he wanted to.

"Well, if you hadn't taken that bullet for me…"

"I was just repaying you for that time."

"There's no need to bring up the past."

"So how did you escape? And what happened to that girl?"

"We were separated in the confusion. Do you know anything about her?"

"No, only the Royal Guard knew anything."

"Hmm…well, anyways. After school you should visit Nunnally. It can be a surprise; after all she was so worried about you when we heard you'd been accused," Lelouch smiled at him, "We can have dinner, all three of us, and catch up."

"That sounds nice. Thank you."

"What's that for? We're friends, right?"

"Of course. But…don't you think we should be getting to class now?"

"You can go ahead. I'm going to stay here."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"But we have class…" At this Lelouch just laughed.

"I'm not going."

Suzaku frowned, but as the bell rang he rushed back to class and left his friend behind.

'

In class, Suzaku could hardly pay attention. He knew it was his first day and he should make a good impression, but it was hard when everyone was talking to him. The only person he knew at the school was Lelouch, and he wasn't even in class. Suzaku knew he should have forced him to come to class with him. Nobody seemed to care that he wasn't in class; apparently it was normal for him to not be there.

This was going to be a long day, but Suzaku smiled and looked forward to that night.

Finally, that night arrived. The wait had seemed so much longer because he was thinking about it so much. Suzaku waited while Lelouch told Nunnally he had a surprise for her. Motioning to Suzaku to come in, he walked over to Nunnally and kneeled beside her. He put his hand over hers.

"Oh, this hand…!" Suzaku smiled as she recognized him, "I'm so glad…you're alright."

Nunnally wiped away her tears and laughed.

They spent most of the night catching up with each other. Suzaku was just glad to be rejoined with his two favorite people. He was glad to be with the two people he loved most. When it was getting too late, Lelouch walked Suzaku to the door.

"Thank you for having me over."

"It's no problem. After all, Nunnally really enjoyed it," That was Lelouch, always thinking about his sister. He hadn't changed at all in that aspect.

"Yeah…but I don't think we should be seen with each other in school."

"Huh? Why not?"

"Well…you're a Britannian and I'm…I'm an Eleven. I wouldn't want people to think anything bad about you. After all, people would wonder why you were friends with someone like me."

"Okay…I understand. But…please, you must visit us again. For Nunnally's sake more than mine. I can see you in class."

"Yeah, if you ever come to class."

"Yes, yes."

"Thank you for everything. I'm so happy I could see you again. I never thought I would."

Suzaku walked up to Lelouch and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which shocked Lelouch to the core. It was a kiss from a friend and nothing more, right? After all, they had done that all the time when they were younger. But Suzaku should know better than that by now…they weren't kids anymore.

Suzaku just smiled at him and walked back to the dormitories while Lelouch stood in the doorway, watching his best friend disappear into the darkness.

* * *

**Hey, look! Part of the plot **_**finally**_** changed! Wowie, and here I was thinking I'd never get to that. Yeah, for a while there I just thought I was going to re-write the whole series…ahaha. Wouldn't that be disappointing to all of the hopeful yaoi-readers?**


	4. Chapter 3: Kokoro Kara no Messeji

**Repeat Warning:**

**If you don't like Suzalulu, turn back now. This IS rated M for a reason. This specific chapter isn't M, but I have promised major M and I don't break promises. Also, it will probably suck more than a teenage whore (no offense anyone…). This is one of your (many) warnings. If your eyes start bleeding, you go blind, or you end up mentally retarded, please don't blame it on me, for I have warned you; I probably don't have the money to pay for your medical bills anyways.**

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Code Geass. I wish I did, but sadly enough, I don't.**

**Note: the POV changes several times in this chapter, especially towards the end it changes a lot, so bear with it….I like to do that.**

* * *

**Utsukushii Higeki; Chapter three**

Kokoro kara no Shisha

* * *

Lelouch sighed. Again. Ever since the re-appearance, of that green haired girl, no, that _witch,_ his life became much more stressed. C.C., she called herself, not even a real name. She was much more of an annoyance than she appeared to be, wandering around the school as she pleased and she happened to have an unhealthy addiction to pizza. And with her hanging around, he hardly had time to think. She was always playing mind games with him…which usually he would be good at if she wasn't just so….well, _annoying_. Not to mention he had so many other more important things to think about. He had to make plans as Zero, had to concentrate on the rebellion, Suzaku, and Cornelia had just arrived in Japan too. He just didn't have time for her to be hanging around.

Suzaku….they were just friends, right? That was it. They were both guys, also. But somehow…no, it was just a kiss from a friend. Somehow something had seemed different though. He couldn't possibly…_like_ Suzaku. Not in that way. He was his best friend…yet whenever he thought back to that kiss, however small it might have been, he couldn't help but get embarrassed.

It was even more difficult to pretend not to know him at school. Whenever Suzaku would walk past, Lelouch felt horrible. They shouldn't have to pretend not to know each other, just because Suzaku was an Eleven. While it was true that Lelouch and Nunnally's lineage could be exposed, it wasn't very likely. And Suzaku was being bullied. He had no friends and it would be difficult to make them at such a school. Ashford was a school for Britannians, and a very high-class school at that. There would be no way an Eleven, a Japanese, could be accepted.

"These things…take time," Lelouch tried to reassure Nunnally.

"Can't you do anything? He's your friend, isn't he?" Yes, he was…but these things…things were different now. Lelouch looked down as he thought to himself, but was soon interrupted by the sound of…paws? He looked up to see a cat…wearing his mask? He jumped up, startling Nunnally, as the cat ran off.

"Hey! Give that back!" He ran after the cat, leaving Nunnally behind to sort out the situation. He would _not _be unmasked by a damn cat! He clumsily fell out the window and spotted the cat and headed after it. He couldn't use the terrorists. He couldn't use Kallen. Damn it! If only he were more athletic, then—

Falling into a bush, Lelouch cursed the cat again as it ran past him. He followed it into the school and even had to Geass two girls. This was just more trouble than he needed at the moment.

"_This is Milly Ashford from the student council. The cat! We are in pursuit of a fleeing cat! All club activities are suspended. All participating clubs will receive additional funds, and whoever catches the cat will get an extra-special chance at a kiss from the student council member of their choice!"_

Fuck. Now he was truly and royally fucked. Not only did he have to catch the cat, but now he had to keep the rest of the school from it. As if he wasn't having enough difficulty before, Milly just had to make things worse now!

"_And when you do find it, hand over what it stole to me! Me! Me! Me!"_

"You've really done it now, President!"

After successfully managing to lose the cat he finally managed to spot it again. Running towards the entry of the building, he ran into a familiar face.

"Suzaku?"

"Lelouch! You're after the cat, too?" They both looked up as meows echoed down the staircase, "Up above?"

"Wait, Suzaku! You stay here!" Lelouch ran up the stairs after Suzaku, but he knew it was already a lost race. Suzaku had _always _been more athletic than him.

"But the student council president said to catch it!"

"It's ok, so just leave! I'll take care of the cat!"

"I'm the better athlete! This is like when that bird got loose."

"Don't bring up the past!"

"It was only seven years ago!" Suzaku was way ahead of him by now.

"Damn it! That…stupid jock!"

"Hey, do you two know each other?" Kallen asked, curiously.

"But he's an Eleven…" Nina brought on an uncomfortable silence to the group.

"No, I…" Suzaku started to cover up, but Lelouch couldn't let this go on.

"We're friends," He stepped forward before the sentence could be finished. Suzaku looked at him, surprised, "President, would you mind allowing him into the student council? In our school, you have to belong to some kind of club, but…" Everyone looked to Milly, who gave a resigned sigh.

"I suppose I don't have a choice, since it's a request from the vice-president."

Lelouch smiled at Suzaku, who looked slightly confused at the sudden turn of events.

'Now Suzaku should be left alone…'

He felt inexplicably satisfied.

--

For the next few weeks, everything was pretty normal. That is, if dealing with terrorists while balancing skipping class is normal….well, there was also the matter of Suzaku, but he tried not to bring that up. He still couldn't be bothered to go to class all the time, but he went a few times because of Suzaku. Besides, it was nice to be with Suzaku again, he had to admit. Even if it was a little strange at times. Suzaku still had army work, but he said he'd been transferred to a different unit so he wasn't in danger. Lelouch really had no idea why he was still so worried about that. Besides, he had bigger things to worry about.

With Cornelia as the new governor, Zero would be the number one priority. Sure enough, she moved within a relatively short amount of time. The army moved to surround the Saitama ghetto, a plain trap to lure him out. They even made sure the time was announced. The situation was clearly meant to mimic the time in Shinjuku. He would have no choice but to go after Cornelia.

"You're going to take the bait?"

"They've taken the trouble to invite me, after all. There's also a great deal I'd like to ask Cornelia."

"Which do you think is more important, destroying the Britannian empire or finding your mother's murderer?"

"Those two are the same thing. The royal family fights within itself in order to find out which successor is right for the throne. No, that man makes them fight."

He wouldn't abandon Nunnally just because she was considered weak. He wouldn't allow the weak to be thrown away and for only the strong to ascend to the top! Britannia was a cruel, selfish country…that was what he was fighting to destroy. He would never toss aside the weak just to care for the strong.

"I will destroy that world for—" As he stood up, he was faced with C.C. She was standing in his way, holding a gun.

"Don't go, Lelouch. I can't have you dying before you fulfill our contract."

"Don't you think what you're doing is rather counter-productive?" He said with a smirk.

"I won't kill you. I'll just shoot you in the leg so that you can't go anywhere."

"I see. You can't use the Geass, can you?" He pulled out his own gun.

"Do you think I fear guns?" Her monotone voice had a slight air of haughtiness.

"Of course you do," He pointed the gun to himself. Of course he would win. He had a reason to. And before his wish, as well as whatever this girl wanted, was fulfilled he wouldn't die. Not before he destroyed that man and his wretched ways. He would protect everyone…he had no other choice but to win. It was what he promised, wasn't it? Those seven years ago, to Suzaku.

He gained a Knightmare in the same way he had in Shinjuku, and contacted the terrorist group occupying this ghetto.

"Obey me and you will live."

He used the same plan as in Shinjuku; take the enemy Knightmares and turn Britannia's force against itself. As he continued to give out orders, something seemed wrong. It almost seemed too easy; after all, this was Cornelia. She was much better than Clovis, much smarter; certainly she would have something up her sleeve.

"_All units withdraw immediately to the ghetto's entrance."_

He could now be right next to Cornelia, without her even knowing he had to do was make an entrance for himself. Really, how could she be so stupid? He was quite disappointed, in Cornelia of all people. He'd expected much more of a struggle from her…

--

After failing miserably in Saitama, Lelouch knew now that he had to be more careful. Cornelia had indeed had something up her sleeve, and he had almost been caught. Letting himself be disappointed in such weakness from Cornelia had indeed led to his (almost) downfall. In that situation he could have been discovered as either Zero or for his lineage, and probably both. If it hadn't been for C.C. …he hated to admit that she had saved him, but it was the truth. Now he truly owed something to her.

'Maybe the pizza will be enough…'

Indeed, she had quite an appetite for pizza. It wasn't like he minded anyways. It shut her up most of the time and kept her from wandering too often. It was almost like having a pet to take care of…in a way; an annoying green-haired witch of a pet, at least.

Now that he had decided to stick with the original group of terrorists he had found a hideout and decided on a name. It seemed kind of silly, these kinds of things, but they were necessary. After all, if they let the public name them it would be something stupid and they had to make themselves known within the other organizations also. The hotel jacking had gone quite well…the hostages had all been saved. He wondered if he had rescued the hostages simply to advance his plans for the destruction of Britannia, or because the members of the student council had been involved. He wondered about which he cared for more. Before his encounter with Geass, he had completely given up on his plans for tearing down the empire. He had been powerless, only destined to be found and used as a political tool once again. Now that he had power, which mattered more to him? Would he have to forget about his friends to be successful in his goals? Or would he have to forget his goals to keep his friends? Would he have to sacrifice either?

Lying in bed, Lelouch found it quite hard to sleep despite the apparent lack he'd had lately. The whole 'destroy an empire than encompasses one-third of the world's population' never sounded like an easy thing, and it was certainly taking its toll on him. It was actually getting a little annoying. His schedule was filled; if he didn't have a student council or Black Knights meeting, there was always something to do. Before rushing into battle, he wanted to consider carefully what should be done. He wanted to know exactly where this was going and where he wanted it to go before anything too drastic happened. Lelouch already felt like things were beginning to slip out of his hands. Maybe this, everything happening at once, was a bit too much for even him to handle. He thought he'd been prepared, but now that his world was shaken up he couldn't seem to be sure of anything anymore.

His thoughts kept him awake for most of the night, which he was very disappointed about because he had hoped to catch up on some much missed sleep. He could always sleep during class, but even so that wasn't very restful or comfortable at all. With hardly any relaxation time anymore he was starting to feel overwhelmed. Not good. The only thing that really bothered him was that most of his thoughts involved _Suzaku._ Why the hell should he lose so much sleep due to something so stupid? He silently promised himself some rest time later today as he dragged his still-exhausted body out of bed. His legs felt like they were about to give in, and his arms were heavy. Lelouch knew he couldn't look much better, and a look in the mirror confirmed that. He would just have to go to class anyways. After all it's not like he had anybody to impress.

That's what he thought anyways. But when he got to class, Suzaku happened to be there already. He knew that he'd been thinking far too much about his friend to face him normally. The worst part was that he didn't even know _why _he couldn't let Suzaku out of his thoughts. He wanted to; having as many burdens on his mind as he did right now Lelouch would be willing to get rid of any troubles that he could. So, sighing, he acted normal as best he could and hoped his mind would get the hint.

"You look horrible," Suzaku noticed as Lelouch ignored him and sat down, "Did you have trouble sleeping?"

"No, I'm fine…I guess I'm just a little tired."

"No, really—did something happen?"

"Suzaku, it's _fine._ I just stayed up a little late, that's all."

After that, Suzaku let him go. He probably had sounded a little snippy, but he really didn't feel like talking about things like that. He didn't feel like talking at all right now. With everything that was going on he was neglecting relationships a little, but he didn't have time for them. Perhaps that was having an effect on his desire to have relationships too. He knew he was thinking too much right now when his head started aching.

'Great, now I have a headache too…'

He could already tell it was just going to be a _great_ day.

--

His efforts to sleep during class had, of course, failed. This was partially due to his headache, which was still causing him unneccessary grief, and partially due to Suzaku not letting him fall asleep, both annoyed him to hell. After all, it was Suzaku's fault that he was losing sleep to begin with. Okay…not entirely. It was also his own fault for the overly-busy schedule. Not allowing himself to take off nights was starting to get to him, but it was necessary. He wondered how Kallen was doing, her being on pretty much the same schedule and all.

"Hey, Lelouch!" Suzaku's voice rang through his ears, echoing in his mind and altogether just causing his head to hurt more. He groaned slightly before turning to face his friend.

"Hey…" Suzaku cocked his head to the side, slightly.

"You still look tired."

"If you'd let me sleep then I wouldn't be…"

"You can't sleep during class, Lelouch! Your grades will drop if you do that."

"No they won't."

"They will!"

"They won't."

Suzaku sighed, resigning. He knew not to push Lelouch too far, especially when he was tired. After so many girls slaps anyone would learn when to just shut up. The remembrance of such incidents made him laugh inside, and although he didn't like the way Lelouch skipped school and slept all the time, he knew that there was really nothing he could do about it.

"Are you ready for the History test tomorrow?"

"Test?"

"The test that's been announced every day for the past two weeks. If you had been awake you might have heard about it."

"Oh," Lelouch shrugged uncaringly. He stood up and groaned when another painful pang pierced through his thoughts. Using the desk to steady himself as he became slightly dizzy, he dimly remembered forgetting to eat…for the past two days. Crap. He'd just been so caught up in work that it had apparently slipped his mind. Not the best thing for him right now.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Suzaku also stood up, "You look…sick."

"I'm fine—I'll—I'll be fine," The words didn't come out as confidently as they should have, but he didn't have time for that right now. "I just, I have to go. I'll…see you…"

He wanted to escape to his room and sleep. Right now the hallways, despite classes having ended already, were still slightly full. Being in a room full of people, or technically a hallways, is not the best choice when you're feeling unwell. He swore if anyone stopped him right now they'd get a well-deserved and probably overdue punch. Saying that, it should also be said that the only two people who would stop him when he was obviously _not_ feeling like being stopped would be Milly and Suzaku, both of whom deserved quite a _hard_ punch at that. Although he doubted he could even muster up the strength to deliver their punishments at the moment; he was beginning to feel faint.

_Why does every single symptom of bad personal care show up at the same time?_

He had to rest against the wall. The only good thing was that the hallways were clearing up, leaving him in a more isolated place. Which was, at the moment, exactly where he wanted to be. Moving but keeping the wall close at hand, he wished that teleportation was an option. It wasn't, but maybe if you willed to be in your bed strongly and often enough it could count for something.

Lelouch could feel himself starting to collapse. He didn't think he was really _that_ tired. Of course, with the combined symptoms he was experiencing…he felt tired. Extremely tired. His legs ached, over exhausted even though he'd only walked a short distance. He felt heavy, and he just wanted to sleep. He didn't feel like walking anymore. Heck, he would even settle for the uncomfortable, dirty school floor at the moment. As his legs started to give out he involuntarily started sliding down the wall, and began falling. Fainting. But before slipping into the darkness of a dreamless land, he heard footsteps. Running. He thought he heard the familiar ring of Suzaku's voice. And he felt himself be caught by strong, sturdy arms.

--

Lelouch awoke in the very place he had willed himself earlier.

'Perhaps the gods really did grant my wish….' He thought lazily as he sat up. He still felt a little sick. But he couldn't be too sick, because he also felt extremely hungry.

"Oh, you're awake! That's good." Lelouch hadn't even heard the door open, but suddenly Suzaku was in the room. Or perhaps he'd been in there from the start…he wasn't quite sure at the moment.

"I suppose. What…" Lelouch rubbed his slightly achy head, "What happened?"

"I don't exactly know, but I was coming out of the classroom and you fainted. I thought about calling a doctor but it didn't seem that serious so—"

Suzaku was interrupted by the growling of someone's stomach, undoubtedly Lelouch's. The latter blushed, "Um…"

The green-eyed boy just chuckled, "I suppose it's a good thing you're hungry then. I hardly ever see you eat anymore! I'll make something for you."

"Are you sure it's okay? I can make something myself…" Suzaku put a hand out, stopping him from getting out of the bed.

"No. You," Suzaku pointed at Lelouch, "are sick. Sick people stay in bed. Besides, I can make enough…I know what you like anyways. Just stay there. And rest." The door closed behind him, leaving Lelouch alone in his room. He debated abiding by his friend's _request_, or getting out of bed anyways. He felt fine enough, just hungry with a slight headache. At first he decided to just sit there in bed but after a few minutes he felt restless. Seeing that he was in his pajamas, Lelouch felt slightly embarrassed at the thought of Suzaku changing him. They were friends, sure, but Lelouch was a very private person. He didn't like to change in front of _anyone_, which was one of the reasons why avoiding P.E. was so much better. At the moment he didn't really feel like changing either, so he just went out into the kitchen in his pajamas.

Suzaku was busy looking for something, which obviously turned out to be plates. Lelouch walked over, intruding, and opened the right cabinet, taking out two plates and handing them to Suzaku. His friend gave him a disapproving look.

"You're supposed to be in bed." Lelouch shrugged.

"I got bored, and I'm not sick anymore. Not anything I'll die from, at least. I'm just hungry, and if you'd spent any more time looking for plates I might have died from _that_."

"I'd have found them….eventually. You should still rest. You did faint after all, in the middle of the hallway at that."

"That's…I'm fine. I got plenty of rest." Suzaku raised his eyebrow, suspiciously.

"I don't know whether to believe you or not anymore. I think in Lelouch language 'I'm fine' means 'I'm totally not fine. At all.'"

Lelouch just sighed. "Are we going to eat or not?"

Lelouch had caught Suzaku looking at him strangely quite a few times. Perhaps he was just worried—like he'd said, Lelouch _had_ passed out in the middle of the hallway. But it was starting to bother him. Suzaku had also been constantly checking up on him, and gave him almost no time to be alone. Which meant it was twice as difficult to get away from the school.

The school bell rang, and Lelouch, who had actually gone to class that day, quickly left the room. Today he hoped to get away to the Black Knights. It had been long enough since he went there, perhaps even too long. He had just got out of the school building when he stopped.

"Suzaku!" It was really, really starting to annoy him.

"Ah, sorry…." He turned to face Suzaku, sighing.

"You don't need to follow me everywhere, you know. I'm fine, _really_." Suzaku gave him a doubtful look, earning another sigh from Lelouch.

"I'm just worried about you. You've seemed….different lately."

"Different?"

"Yeah…I've heard it from everybody. You've been disappearing a lot more, and you haven't been hanging out with the student council as much as you used to…." Lelouch folded his arms over his chest.

"I'm just busy, that's all."

"Busy with what?"

"Just…..stuff."

"Stuff that's more important than your friends?"

"Why does it matter so much?"

"Because I'm your friend. And I'm worried about you." It was really pointless to argue over this, and Lelouch was starting to get annoyed.

"I guess…sorry for worrying you. I have been busy…but I'll be at the next student council meeting. Okay?"

"Can I take your word on that?"

"Alright, I promise." Suzaku still looked skeptical, but he let him go.

At the next student council meeting, Lelouch was absent.

--

Suzaku should have known better than to believe Lelouch would actually show up. He hadn't shown up to most of the other student council meetings, and he hardly showed up for class anymore. But he _promised_. That was what really irritated Suzaku the most. He hadn't fully believed Lelouch when he'd promised to show up, it _was_ Lelouch after all, but he'd wanted to believe him. Suzaku had even made sure to attend the meeting, and seeing as he was always busy due to his position in the military that was a very difficult thing to do. What could Lelouch be so busy with that he would break a promise with his best friend?

That day in Shinjuku, Suzaku had been happy, really happy, to see Lelouch safe after seven years, even more so when they met again at school. But this Lelouch was far more different, and far more complicated than the ten-year-old boy Suzaku had befriended. He hardly knew anything about Lelouch anymore, even though they were supposed to be best friends. Well, he still knew Lelouch's nature, and what made him tick, but if asked about his hobbies, or what he does in his time, someone may as well have been asking about a stranger.

After the meeting was over Suzaku decided to see Nunnally. Perhaps she knew where Lelouch had been off to lately.

"…but Sayoko-san said that maybe he has a girlfriend…" Suzaku caught the last of Nunnally's sentence after zoning out for a moment. Certainly he hadn't thought of something like that. No, he couldn't even imagine the thought of Lelouch with a girlfriend…it would be almost funny if he did. It turned out that all Nunnally knew was that Lelouch had been out a lot lately instead of at home with her, which was not any more than Suzaku knew. Nunnally also looked very worried, probably more so than Suzaku, about Lelouch.

"Don't worry Nunnally. I'm sure he's okay." He didn't touch her; he didn't want her to feel his lie, or his own worry. He wanted Nunnally to feel safe and reassured. It was the least he could do for her. _Damn it, Lelouch._

Suzaku was really starting to get frustrated with his friend. Whenever Lelouch said he was fine, Suzaku didn't know whether to trust him or not. It was getting late, the sky darkening to a smog-covered hazy blue, the moon clouded out by thickening rain clouds. And Lelouch was still out.

"Nunnally, you shouldn't wait up for Lelouch. It's getting late, and he might not be home for quite a while," Suzaku suggested to the handicapped girl, who took on a disappointed look. He couldn't blame her either. She probably saw Lelouch even less than Suzaku did on a regular day, but now Lelouch was out all the time. Nunnally waited for a few more minutes, and then called Sayoko to help her into bed. Taking the black uniform jacket off, Suzaku sat alone and waited; it was all he could do. He didn't know how much time passed; he didn't check his phone. It was dark and he knew that it was getting really late, but whenever he thought of checking the time he felt too lazy to do it. Somehow, though, he could feel the hours going by. It was probably just his imagination and was created through boredom, but he swore he could feel every tick of time that was passing.

The door suddenly opened, sending a bolt of shock through his system. He jumped out of surprise at the sudden intrusion, leaving him feeling shaky, off guard, and nervous. He looked towards the invasion and saw that it was Lelouch, finally back and carrying a large black bag over his shoulder. Suzaku quickly checked the time, surprised that it was almost two in the morning.

_I really sat there for that whole time? Did I fall asleep or something…?_

Dismissing those thoughts, he saw his friend looking at him oddly.

"Suzaku…what are you doing here?" Lelouch stood uncomfortably in the doorway, watching his friend. Suzaku could feel his back and neck starting to ache from the rigid chair, which reminded himself of why he was there.

"Waiting for you." He answered shortly.

"At this time?"

"More importantly, why are you coming home at this time?"

"Oh….that's….." Lelouch started, but never finished. There was a silence between the two, an irregular and solemn pause. The lights in the room were dim and only seemed to add to the situation.

"Lelouch….I just don't know who you are anymore," Suzaku said in a small, almost dismal-sounding voice. It didn't sound like himself; his own voice was usually cheerful and positive. Lelouch's eyes widened at the words; Suzaku might not have been the most observant person but he could see hurt and more than that, regret.

--

Lelouch felt horrible standing there before Suzaku. He'd come home late, later than usual and it just happened to be the time Suzaku was there waiting for him. Of course, it was also the day of the 'next' student council meeting that he had promised to attend. He sucked in his breath, guilty. It's not like he'd forgotten that today was that day…he'd purposefully missed the meeting. He hadn't missed it because he didn't want to be with his friends or anything; it was just that he had more important things to do….things that he couldn't tell Suzaku. He was extremely busy lately due to the Black Knights, and his close friends were starting to take notice of his frequent disappearances, especially Suzaku. _Damn it…if I'd known Suzaku would be going to the same school as me before I started this whole mess…_

It wasn't as if Lelouch was ungrateful that his best friend from childhood was now attending the same school as him, it was just that he got in the way of Lelouch's greater plans most of the time. It didn't help that Suzaku was in the army…if he found out that Lelouch was Zero…and by the looks of things, Suzaku was starting to get suspicious of him. Maybe not that he was Zero or anything like that, but he was certainly on Lelouch's back about a lot of things lately.

"Lelouch….I just don't know who you are anymore," Suzaku said in a small, almost dismal-sounding voice. Lelouch looked at him, slightly off-guard. Suzaku now had his gaze fixed on the floor, apparently unable to look at Lelouch, who hadn't expected something so open and honest. The obviousness of their separation had made itself shown but had grown even more through their time together. It had been seven years and both of them were different than they had been back then. But when those words hit him, he knew that it had been mostly his fault. Not for the war, not for their separation, or their differences….but for not being able to reconnect. He'd been busy with his own plans, and hadn't paid attention to his friends even though he should have. It sounded weird, he knew it, that he was planning a huge rebellion and was worrying about something little like friends. But they really weren't a little thing in his life, were they? He couldn't very well just choose one life or another….it was the problem of having a double life.

Lelouch was starting to feel the guilt of the past few weeks. He knew Suzaku was only worried about him, and yet Lelouch had just swatted him away, even labeled him as annoying. He had thought about him, of course, but those thoughts had also been labeled as something annoying and in the way. He stood in the doorway, unable to move while Suzaku stood across the room from him. It seemed that they were just so far apart…it felt further apart than it really was and the space in between them hung damp with unsaid words and unexpressed feelings. During the start of those seven years, Lelouch had worried about Suzaku's well-being almost as much as Nunnally, but over the years he had become used to assuming Suzaku was probably fine like he always told Nunnally. He had been fine. He was standing right in front of Lelouch now, over those seven years. He had been the one that wasn't fine, Lelouch realized. He also realized now more than ever that he had missed Suzaku, that he was really happy to see him again.

Before he knew what he was doing, Lelouch felt the bag formerly gracing his shoulder drop to the floor and crossed the room to wrap his arms around Suzaku, who gave a slightly confused gasp and stiffened. Resting his head on the chocolate-haired boy's shoulder, Lelouch tightened his embrace.

--

Suzaku heard a slight thud, the bag hitting the floor. Before Suzaku knew what happened, he felt thin arms wrap around him. He gasped slightly, confused at the sudden touch. After a moment the arms tightened, Lelouch's warm body pressed against his own, his soft breath tickled Suzaku's exposed neck.

"I'm—I'm sorry." The soldier heard the strain in his friend's voice, felt the fingers that grabbed the fabric of his shirt. It was so unrealistic, so unlike Lelouch that it couldn't be real.

"Don't….say something like that. It's not your fault." Suzaku wrapped returned the embrace of his raven-haired friend, knowing that what he said was partially a lie. He stroked Lelouch's back in an attempt to reassure him. "It was my fault too." He pulled away from his friend slightly to look at him, but Lelouch kept his face hidden.

"No…no, you know that's not—" Suzaku took one of his arms away from Lelouch's body, sliding the other one down to the small waist, and used it to raise his face, planting his lips firmly to the soft lips of his friend.

--

Lelouch was fairly shocked when he felt Suzaku's lips on his own. He hadn't—well, of course he'd _thought_ of that—but, he hadn't _really _thought….

--

He loved Lelouch. It was strange, that Suzaku had realized it only when his friend had begun to slip away, perhaps he only realized it in full truth right in that moment. It was strange, the way he hadn't even realized it during the seven years they were apart. He knew something was different now that they were older, of course something would be different, they were _older_. It had been seven years, and they were bound to change. But inside, the more he talked to Lelouch he saw remnants of the boy he used to know.

--

The kiss ended, and Lelouch was surprised that he felt slightly disappointed at its conclusion. He was taken aback, and confused. Yeah, extremely confused. He couldn't say anything, and even if he could he didn't know exactly _what_ he would say. So he just stared into those friendly green eyes he knew so well, searching for an answer, for some kind of hint. Suzaku just smiled at him, nervously.

"I'll give you time to think."

* * *

**Well then….it's excuse time! I made this chapter the longest one yet to make up for the long wait, so I hope it was worth it. I sincerely apologize for the wait, but there are several reasons for this. The first is that all the notes and plans I had for the story were lost when my computer crashed. Also because my computer crashed I wasn't able to work on anything for about a month or more. I also had to move all the way across the country, and I've been busy lately because my family out here forces me to go out and do "fun" stuff. I have also lost my initial 'spark of inspiration' for this story, but I will however continue and try to finish this story.**

**Review if you laugh while imagining Lelouch giving a nice, girly slap to Suzaku.**


	5. Chapter 4: Utsukushii Yoake

Utsukushii Higeki; The secret love story of Suzaku Kururugi and Lelouch Lamperouge that took place in the midst of it all.

Chapter Four: Utsukushii Yoake

* * *

**Let's have a lame OOC party! **

* * *

To be honest, Suzaku was deeply conflicted.

Yes, he was Japanese yet served the Britannian Empire. Yes, he wanted to save people but was in the military nonetheless. Even going to school made him feel conflicted.

But right now he wasn't thinking about any of those things. What was he thinking about? Well, what had always been on his mind lately?

Terrorists, military issues, war, school, the Lancelot, Arthur's painful hobby, Lelouch, the all-annoying Lloyd, how to avoid eating too much of Cecile's cooking…

Wait, pause on _Lelouch._

He was frustrated with Lelouch.

He didn't want to be frustrated with Lelouch.

Kissing Lelouch had only made him more frustrated.

Now he was frustrated with himself too.

Why did he do that?

Why did he _always_ do that to himself?

_The pros outweigh the cons…_

No.

No.

_No._

They didn't.

Did they?

Pros: he'd finally gotten to kiss Lelouch.

Cons: everything else.

No.

But he had wanted to kiss him.

But he had really, really wanted to kiss him.

After all the thinking he had done that day, Suzaku was still deeply and terribly conflicted, confused, and frustrated. He had also spent plenty of time thinking about how soft Lelouch's lips were, and how he really wanted to kiss him again.

And that only made him feel worse.

But he wanted to kiss him again.

"_Lelouch….I just don't know who you are anymore."_

He growled. This whole situation just had him more confused than he'd ever been. He didn't want to say that he was—in love—with Lelouch, because, well…okay, so he was in love with Lelouch. It was complicated—what part of his life wasn't? He was in love with him, worried sick about him, and frustrated with him. And he hated it.

"_I'll give you time to think."_

He didn't want Lelouch to think about it, to tell the truth. He wanted that moment to be erased. He hadn't really _meant_ to_—_he hadn't wanted to, but he _had_—and part of him really had meant to. When he felt his lips connect with his best friend's, he had been just as shocked as Lelouch. He didn't remember starting it, but he knew he had; a partial memory of leaning in was all that remained—but he swore it wasn't him that had done it. Some unknown force had taken hold of him, forced him to—okay, not exactly _forced_—kiss his secret crush.

Did he mention that right now that certain person was sitting next to him at the moment? For once he had actually hoped Lelouch would skip class—not that he promoted it, but he just really wanted to be away from him. Right now he was trying to think, and desperately failing. He was pretty sure Lelouch was thinking too; that's pretty much all he did after all. Lelouch was good at thinking, and that's what scared Suzaku. It had been a mistake, all of it. He just tried to keep his eyes fixed straight ahead, don't look at him, try not to, don't give in. He fixed his eyes on the clock, watching the second hand tick leisurely. It pissed him off, that second hand. _Move faster, damn it._

And then he had to focus on not thinking perverted thoughts.

_Damn it._

He sounded crazy. He probably was.

He was in love with his best friend from childhood who was a _guy_ and most probably totally straight who he also happened to hate at the moment too.

Yeah, he was crazy. Maybe that's how Lloyd became a psychopath. Suzaku shivered. He didn't want to imagine Lloyd in the same situation as him. That was just creepy. The image of Lloyd even caring enough about a human being to want to kiss them made him wish he—

A folded piece of paper landed on the corner of his desk. Suzaku stared at it for a few moments as if observing some strange object; it was a plain lined notebook sheet, folded neatly. When he took a questioning glance at Lelouch, he had his head propped on one hand, looking out the window and probably trying not to look at Suzaku. The brown-haired boy frowned and looked back to the paper. It had been ages since they'd passed notes, but this time he wasn't looking forward to it. He knew he really had no choice but to open it, even if he was afraid of what lay in wait. Picking it up, he unfolded it slowly, gulping.

_Why? _Lelouch's neat handwriting read. Suzaku sucked in his breath, trying to decide what to write back. What could he write?_ I'm sorry? I've always loved you deeply from the bottom of my heart? Just a spur of the moment thing? I just wanted you to shut up?_

Although he was tempted to just go with the last one, he really wanted to be honest with his friend. That's all he wanted from Lelouch. It would do no good if Suzaku lied to him and then expected the truth. He gathered up what courage and madness he could, and wrote:

_Because I like you._

He seriously considered erasing it and writing something else, but the crazier part of him somehow convinced himself to trace over it in pen. Now it was a done deal; all or nothing. He wondered if he'd have the guts to face this monstrous ordeal he'd started. Trying not to think about what he was doing, he tossed the paper back. He shut his eyes securely and waited, painstakingly.

Lelouch was smart; Suzaku knew that he already knew the answer. But it didn't make it any better. It probably made it worse. Honestly, Suzaku didn't expect Lelouch to ever like him back; it was just a given that he wouldn't. Because he probably didn't even like guys and—

He felt a corner of the paper hit his arm, and opened his eyes again. Preparing himself for the worst, he picked it up and started to unfold the well-made creases, slowly as he possibly could. Before reading the words, he composed himself as best he could, waiting for the words saying that he was completely and utterly turned down.

_Suzaku—I don't know if I like you. I don't know if I don't either. So I can't exactly say no, but not yes either. But I think…I would like to like you._

Shocked, surprised, astonished, stunned, amazed, dazed, taken aback, astounded, confused, disbelief: these were all words that could be used to describe Suzaku at the moment.

_What does that mean?_ He wrote.

_It means that perhaps I would like to try being with you. _He read.

_Try?_

_What do you want me to say?_

He looked over to see Lelouch looking away, but he could still see a small red blush.

_I don't want to force you into this, you know I'd feel horrible if I did._ He passed the paper back and once again received it in the same fashion.

_I know, but what do you want?_

He could use the old 'I want whatever you want' or 'I just want you to be happy.' Yeah, he could always use those. But he didn't.

_I want to be with you, whatever that means._

…Not that what he wrote wasn't just as corny as any of those. After he passed the note back, it seemed like a half hour passed before it finally landed on his desk again.

_Fine. Just don't tell Milly._

Suzaku pinched himself. However cliché that whole 'pinch me I must be dreaming thing was', he just knew this wasn't real. It was probably just one of his many dreams about the moment when Lelouch would finally say 'yes'. Yeah, that's right. _Many_ dreams, because there's no possible way in real life that Lelouch would actually _agree _to go out with him. The bell rang, shaking him violently from his deep thoughts. He quickly tucked the note safely in his pocket, just to make sure it would be there the next time he woke up.

He really didn't know what to do next; he'd never actually thought about what would happen after…wait, were they even really officially a couple? He'd never expected a positive answer, and so he'd never given a thought as to what could or would happen.

"Suzaku?" He jolted out of his thoughts by the deep, familiar voice of Lelouch. Still sitting, he looked up to see his friend frowning down at him. "You okay?"

"Ah….yes." Feeling slightly embarrassed, he stood up suddenly. Perhaps too suddenly, because he just succeeded in falling down again and landed on the hard floor.

"Are you sure about that?" Lelouch had a small smirk on his face, for what Suzaku had no clue. The dark haired boy extended his hand as an offer to help Suzaku up. Smiling, Suzaku reached up. When their hands connected Suzaku gave a hard tug, pulling Lelouch down into a slightly compromising position atop the chocolate-haired boy's hips. A fierce blush appeared on Lelouch's face when he realized the situation he had fallen into, quite literally. Suzaku, smiling deviously, wrapped his arms around Lelouch and pulled him closer. He didn't really know what he was doing or why, but he liked it; he didn't want to stop. Leaning in, he almost, _almost _brushed Lelouch's lips; oh, he wanted to claim them for himself at that very moment. However, he avoided the temptation and instead rested his head on his friend's shoulder and breathed in the alluring scent of lavender with a slight hint of what smelled like vanilla.

"Suzaku, what are you…" He slid one of his hands up Lelouch's back, lifting it to run it through the silky black hair.

"Hmmm…" He moaned slightly, quietly. His hair was so, so soft. His body was so comfortably warm. Biting his lip, he held back the sudden and overpowering desire to make a move. He didn't want to lose this; he would be careful. Especially careful. He would never, ever stand it if he lost Lelouch. Not now that he was finally his.

"Hey, um, we…have to go…" Nuzzled against Lelouch's neck, Suzaku could feel the vibration when he spoke. He closed his eyes, breathing in deep. He wished the uniform jacket had a lower collar; then he could feel the satisfaction of skin. Instead he removed his other hand from Lelouch's back and placed it over the other boy's hand.

"Suzaku, really…" Lelouch let out something between a sigh and a gasp before finally relaxing into the strange position he had ended up in. "Honestly, idiot…"

A vaguely nostalgic feeling crept up on Suzaku; he remembered when they were children, when Lelouch had started calling him an idiot. Over time it had become a friendly gesture instead of an insult, and to tell the truth Suzaku liked it. He liked it because he knew that whenever Lelouch called him an idiot, he was happy. Yeah, it was strange but it somehow made sense. At least it did to Suzaku. He didn't mind if it didn't make sense at all though. Warm tingles rose in his chest, a pleasurable and nervous feeling; the 'butterflies'. He never really thought it felt like butterflies, but then again he wouldn't know what having butterflies inside of him felt like. It probably wouldn't be as pleasant. Suzaku could be an idiot, but only if he was Lelouch's idiot.

And he sincerely hoped he was.

**-u.h.-**

Lelouch stood in his room, pondering; he was confused. Whenever he was around Suzaku, he felt…different. The good kind of different, though. When he was around Suzaku, all the stress disappeared and it was like he could just be himself again. Not Zero. Not a lie.

But whenever he thought about being with Suzaku, he felt different. The bad kind of different. Like he wasn't really sure if he should be with Suzaku. He…did he really like Suzaku? It felt like it, it felt like something…but everything was wrong with that something. They weren't exactly what you'd call the perfect couple. And more than all that, Lelouch was afraid. Yes, he was afraid. He was afraid that if he got too close to Suzaku, his friend (boyfriend?) would discover the truth. What would he do if his identity was accidentally revealed? Would Suzaku arrest him?

All in all, it just caused him more stress.

It was just more to add to the steadily growing pile. Yeah, the double life was starting to get to him. It was really starting to get to him. Now it was a triple life. Life with Suzaku, life as Lelouch Lamperouge, and life as Zero. The two latter ones were more stressful, he had to admit. He actually enjoyed the first one. He did, really. He was confused, severely. But he couldn't hide that he enjoyed the special, private moments they shared every now and then.

Life as Lelouch Lamperouge was falling apart. All he was, everything, was a lie. As long as he was a student, the Ashford family could shelter him. But he couldn't say the same for the real world. His secret identity was only held together by a few thin strings, a flimsy fake name, and staying away from video cameras. After high school, there was no way his identity could be kept secret.

Life as Zero was like a puzzle; it drove him mad, like a puzzle with all the wrong pieces. The Black Knights were variably reliable, and totally useless without him. The recent addition of the Guren helped a bit, especially in Narita; Kallen was an excellent pilot for such a frame. Not perfect, but still excellent. Then there was the Lancelot, always showing up when it shouldn't be there. He just wondered what kind of monster could pilot a Knightmare in such a way. Impossible spin kicks that denied gravity, amazingly scary reflexes; but what intrigued him the most was the strange habit of saving bystanders in the midst of a battle. A soldier, the feared White Reaper of Britannia, saving people during battle? It didn't make sense.

Then there was life with Suzaku. Constant teasing, perverted remarks, and just plain idiotic Suzaku. But it was Suzaku. And Lelouch was almost reluctant to admit that he was starting to feel something. It was strange. He hadn't really liked Suzaku, not like that, not when he agreed to be with him. He really didn't know why he'd done that. Perhaps it was the need to feel something he had been missing. Lelouch had love. He loved Nunnally. He loved his friends. He cared about people. But this was…a different kind of love, something that he hadn't had before.

He sounded stupid, didn't he?

His life was turning stupid. He could feel it creeping up over him like Suzaku's wandering hands.

Not that he minded that too much.

He was still caught in between actually liking Suzaku and just being friends, but he couldn't deny that he loved it when they were close. Somehow he felt a bit emptier when Suzaku wasn't there; he actually missed him when he wasn't there. Dear God, he sounded like a teenage girl. Wait, did that mean he was the girl in this 'relationship'?

…

No.

Couldn't possibly be.

That would mean if this relationship advanced to _further_ realms, he would be the one…

No, Lelouch vi Britannia would _never_…

Would he?

"_Don't be embarrassed Lelouch. You look extremely beautiful."_

Stupid crossdressing festival…now everyone on the student council knew just how pretty he looked as a girl. He just hoped with all his might that Nunnally wouldn't tell everyone about playing dress-up with Euphy as a child.

To put it simply, he ended up in many frilly dresses.

He hoped he never would again.

_I wonder if Suzaku would like it though…_

.

.

.

What?!

Why?

How?

He knew he was blushing; why would he even _think_ that?! Did he…did he actually _want_ to…

Oh hell. Something had to be utterly wrong with him. Fever? He felt warm enough; wait, that was just from being flustered. That starts with an F too, though. Fatigue? Another F word…could be. He hadn't been sleeping much lately. Food? Why the F words? Oh god, please don't think of _that_ F word…!

Yes, that one. Exactly the one you're thinking now.

The one he didn't want to think about.

He would not _ever_…!!!

"Ah!" He let out a small yelp as he was suddenly attacked and his back was pressed against the wall. Looking up, he saw large emerald eyes watching him. "What is _wrong_ with you?" Suzaku smiled, but didn't reply. Instead, he moved closer; Lelouch's eyes widened. In fear? Or just nervousness? Excitedness? Suzaku was so close, his lips were so close, so close to his own…if he moved forward just the tiniest bit, just the tiniest shift and they would be…

"I love you, Lelouch." The words spilled out of Suzaku's mouth suddenly and less than smoothly. He didn't pull away. Suzaku let his forehead rest on Lelouch's and looked deep into his entrancing violet eyes. Lelouch couldn't breathe. He seemed to have forgotten the simplest, automatic function that was needed for survival. He was sure Suzaku could hear his heart, and feel it with how close they were. The former prince wanted to look away, but he didn't want to move. He didn't remember how to move; even if he could he wasn't sure his limbs would respond.

"Do you…love me, Lelouch?" The one mentioned opened his mouth to speak, but having prepared nothing to say beforehand nothing came out but a small croak. His blush had deepened quite noticeably over the past minute, and that only made him more embarrassed. Being this close, it made him nervous. It was the good kind of nervous, the kind that makes you thrilled and almost scared at the same time. He didn't know if Suzaku was waiting for an answer. He really didn't care right now. He…they were so close…and…

….and Suzaku's lips were so soft. They were only lightly touching, just a tickle, and it made Lelouch impatient. It had been his own movement, a small movement, and he had moved forward just enough to barely touch the other's lips. It surprised him, and sent a shiver of anticipation down his body. He could feel Suzaku's heart pounding, a rhythm to match his own, thumping against his ribcage in a desperate attempt to escape. Suzaku's hand raised to grip the back of Lelouch's neck. He didn't pull him in though, but just left his hand there. After all, it wasn't like he really needed to pull the former prince in.

He was already there. Leaning forward swiftly, Lelouch connected himself to Suzaku. It was a nervously confident kiss, and Suzaku smiled slightly through it.

With his other hand, Suzaku entwined his hand in Lelouch's and pushed it up the wall so it was beside the other's face. Deepening the kiss, he stroked Lelouch's sensitive palm with his thumb, earning a small gasp.

Without warning, Lelouch jumped forward so that he and Suzaku were now desperately crashing against each other in a not-so-innocent kiss. He just wanted _more_ of Suzaku. Running his fingers through the chocolate-brown curls, he moaned into the kiss as the other's tongue ran along his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He quickly granted the other boy access to the rest of his mouth, allowing Suzaku to explore as he wished. Their tongues collided; it was a very improper type of kiss, a lustful, needy action. They let their hands roam and explore, needing the touch. Biting Suzaku's lip, he drew just a small amount of blood that elicited a groan from the other boy.

They broke apart ungracefully, panting and gasping for breath. Lelouch's head was spinning from the lack of oxygen and his face was flushed. Suzaku looked the same, and their hair was mussed up with wayward strands sticking out. There were no fireworks, nothing amazing, no honestly memorable factor at all about this kiss; it was just amazing. Lelouch didn't want it to stop, but he would have passed out soon if they hadn't. For a moment they just stared at each other, unsure.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Both jumped at the sound, which turned out to be Suzaku's phone. He quickly answered, stepping away from his new boyfriend. It looked slightly serious, but exactly how serious Lelouch couldn't determine. Suzaku nodded a few times, yes, yes, yes, I'll be there as soon as I can. He then hung up and sighed. They stood there in silence for a few minutes, Lelouch still gripping the wall to stay on his feet.

"Um…" Suzaku turned back to him.

"Sorry, Lelouch. I…" He saw Suzaku blush, probably at Lelouch's current condition "I have military work to do. I guess…I'll, um, see you…"

"…Yeah…" Lelouch, now able to stand securely on his feet again, looked down. He felt a soft, slight pressure on his cheek and realized it was Suzaku giving him a small kiss.

"I guess I'll take that as a yes."

"Huh?"

And with that, Suzaku was out the door.

* * *

_**Lame**_**. Corny. Stupid. Cliché. OOC. Yeah, I know.**

**A-la-la-righty then, I have a few things to say. This is mostly a SuzaLulu fanfiction (as that is my specialty) but luckily for you LuluSuza fans, I have decided that there will be some instances in which it is that way.**

**Second, I'll try not to make this as boring anymore. It will be following along the original storyline, but I probably won't include the droning details that you already know (as it was brought to my attention many times that if you like the show enough to read fanfiction about it, you probably already know the details). There will be more new, probably OOC stuff cause I just suck, and the yaoi love that took place behind the scenes.**

**Thank you all for your support. I had lots of messages and reviews that made me feel much better, so thank you. Like I said, things are very difficult right now. And luckily for you, I've decided to take this out on writing XD. I've started a bunch of new stuff including karate and kobujitsu, as well as summer school, so I have less time to focus on my problems. My spare time will be spent writing and playing Fiesta or Fable 2. Just so you know…**

**P.S. I had NO idea so many people read my stuff. I've gotten like 48 e-mails in one day…that's a record. O_o**


End file.
